10h of beauty sleep

Never seen an eskimo making piece sign?

Good morning.. *yawn*

been sleeping a lot.. I feel 100% recovered.. Let's start this day with a cup of coffee and a shower...

Freezing

What a day.. been at home all day! Didn't go to work because of the snow..

It's been very relaxing.. But somehow I feel isolated.. Well.. I have nothing sensible to write about.. so lets just end this entry now.. gonna continue watching Naruto <3

Eating

eating my dinner right now.. which consists a piece of bread and some Philadelphia.. actually pretty yummy..

omg.. I found a jumping spider in my room while cleaning it today!!

it jumped so far from one place to another.. of course I let out a little scream...

my sister sprayed a lot of bug spray on it.. but the spider was really persistent and kept running around.. so my sister smashed it.. of c I had to take care of the rest, by putting on some rubber gloves and tons of paper towels.. I had to pick up the hideous corpse..

The snow was supposed to be heart-shaped..

Good morning.. or maybe good evening for the Swedish peops..
The News said that it's gonna be a winter storm.. or something like that.. So I went to Macy's and bought myself a jacket.. It was a big sale on it hehe.. I saved 200 dollars on that jacket.. the original price was 259$.. only paid 59$..

I thought I didn't need a warm jacket through this winter.. so I sucked it up and passed last snow storm with my hands and body almost freezed to ice.. don't know why I hesitated to buy me a jacket.. well well now it's done..

back to work

Sleepy

it's almost 2 am.. time goes by really fast nowadays.. week after week.. nothing happens.. same old shit..

A normal day for Mimi:
Waking up, make myself some coffee.. go to work, going home, working out, watching Naruto, sleep.. it's been going on like this for weeks now..

Yesterday me and my sis went shopping. bought some clothes for a party we can't even attend.. They had good sales.. I bought 2 long sleeves at Abercrombie, a skirt at Bebe and a Party top at Forever 21..

Wherever I go I see Valentine stuff.. pleeease give me a break.. Valentine may be a really great day for couples.. but for us singles it sucks.. I can't say it's over rated because it's a line that only losers would use... feel for me please ..I would love to be one of the people celebrating Valentine.. maybe next year.. or the year after.. or the year after after.. Right now I have to concentrate on other things.. such as how to ruin someone's life or getting myself one..

However.. Valentine's day is also Chinese New Year.. Thank God.. it prevents me from feeling lonely cause we were planning on going to the temple where everybody gonna gather together.. The temple is such a holy place.. so no lovey dovey hehehe.

I wish things were a little bit different..

Beyond the surface

Why am I so weak? when I don't have the power to encounter problems I'm lying in my bed crying..I'm crying until my pillow get soaked wet.. then I turn the pillow and continue on the other side..

That was before...

Now.. I have to say.. I get better and better suppressing my feelings.. My tears has lost it's value.. Life could have been different if I didn't try to satisfy anyone.. If I only thought about myself.. Some decisions should be made by heart, but weren't..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not good enough.. I doubt myself all the time.. what's wrong with me? am I to ugly, to short, to fat, to clumsy or just simply not good enough? I try to change.. I try to make myself better in every single way.. I'm aiming for perfection.. just to be good enough.. Just to satisfy everyone.. It's hurting me..

It's a scary thought that all the problems would disappear if I made myself disappear... help me

..

I don't know.. Even if it's nothing.. I need my own privacy, my own territory.. I don't wanna view my life to somebody else as an open book... I don't need anybody to put their foot in my life and trying to change it.. I am fine with things the way they are.. except the pain.. but it's just something I have to endure.. then please give me a break!

it's nothing that goes away fast.. it's a long process.. Just because I don't show or say anything doesn't mean that I'm ok.. I am just ok enough to live the day..

Lately my mood has been really down.. it's getting harder to fake a smile... even my customer noticed today that I was really different.. she said: it's not like you at all being so down..

well I woke up feeling like a zombie.. my body could barely move.. Been working really hard.. Yesterday and today.. and earlier this week..

Aren't u satisfied already? I am doing things I've been told to do.. I am doing things against my will.. I'm holding back my frustration and anger.. and still it's not enough.. What's the point of living if you can't even decide over your own life?

Yes.. I have no friends.. no contacts.. why should I have a phone? All I've been doing is working.. 7 days a week.. I don't even have a day off. Even so I can't be given that little privacy of my own life..

How can I make friends without a phone? I keep hearing that I'm 19 about to be 20.. and I should know better.. I want to know why I exist in this lifetime.. but why it's so hard to just leave the earth..

Nightly thoughts

It's the end of one decade but also a beginning of another..

I don't know whether I'm happy or not.. let's say.. in my current state I'm lost.. I've reached a certain age ( about to be 20 ) which means that I have more responsibility, but also I'm old enough to decide over myself..

Through my life I've done a lot of things that we call "mistakes". But actually I've never regretted anything I've done in life.. cause the so called "mistakes" I've made are according to me, just opportunities to learn things.. I rather do "mistakes" than keep wondering how my life would be if I did this and that..

You can travel back in time.. but never change it's events.. I've been thinking a lot about my childhood lately.. Even though we didn't have much, I could feel true happiness.. I was believing in the tooth fairy. I dreamt about being a princess who was longing for her white knight to show up and take her far away.. I was sitting on mommy's lap and telling her stories of what I wanted to become when I grew up.. I was a day dreamer, innocent and care-free.. I was believing in happily ever after..

As I grew up I lost my innocence.. I realized that the world isn't made up of rainbows and sunshine.. My view of life became more gloomy and I learned how to hate and hurt people.. In fact I came to a phase in life where I didn't wanna exist no more but to scared to end it..

I'm still confused..

I know this is a pointless entry.. But writing down my thoughts somehow makes me feel better.

Revive him please

Can't believe Gaara died..!!!! hhuhuhuhu I hate it... Why why why?!?! So sad ='(

However.. Monday was my sister's birthday. she is finally 12..

I've just been working today.. went to the gym after work.. I was slow today.. only managed 3 miles..