Happy New Year

This New Year is gonna be the loneliest New Year ever.. Usually I'm surrounded by my friends and we party together.. Just before midnight everybody go to downtown together, shoot some fireworks and drinking champagne.. This year.. I'm stuck in my room with the dogs.. probably gonna dig myself a grave and bury myself in it.. it's a pity... Let next year be at better year..

Worked my ass off today.. It was to busy.. Worked straight without pausing again.. Came to work at 9 am.. we supposed to close at 6 pm but didn't get done until 6.40 something.. After work we went to China King Buffet with our co-workers..

Now I'm so full I can't even stand.. ate to much.. My New Year resolution? it's a secret..

Tomorrow my uncle is having a baby shower for his new baby which is my new cousin ^^ haven't seen her yet... Have to work tomorrow.. What to wear?

Almost New Year

In the morning.. completely make-up free.. and just went to work..

Today i worked as usually.. talked with mom.. she loved the letter I wrote her for Christmas and the pictures we sent her.. She actually cried while reading the letter.. I did my best writing in vietnamese and used whatever I got in my vietnamese vocabulary, which is not that great..

I ate chicken and noodles today for breakfast/lunch.. for dinner I had some Sonic burger and french toast.. and some pretzel bites lol..

Yesterday my sister, me, Lim and his sister went to Ikea.. I finally found a wardrobe I was looking for.. I didn't know they had it! it has sliding doors that are by mirror.. We got a great deal on that.. I was buying some cheap curtains too.. So happy with my purchases.. Ikea is from Sweden.. I saw a lot of stuff that I saw back in sweden.. miss it.. They had swedish meatballs haha.. But I ate gravad lax ( smoked salmon ) and mashed potatoes..

After Ikea we went to concord.. The shopping mall in Charlotte.. I bought a sweater and a top.. both were on sale.. hihi.. 50% sale.. yay ^^

Have faith

It feels like I just woke up from a dream.. everything was to good to be true.. I finally woke up to face the reality.. life is not easy.. You just won't get everything served the way you want.. life is more complicated than that.. You have to really fight for yourself.. fight for your own future, your own happiness.. or you can either choose the easy way.. just give up and not be happy to the fullest..

My customer told me once.. never stop smiling, never change. Promise me to always be the same..

I will promise to never change.. I'm still the same person as I was since I was born.. I've just gained more experience with time.. Right now I just ended this chapter of my life.. It had a twist.. I guess this was for my best.. Tomorrow I'll begin my next chapter.. I will try to be better, work harder without any complaints.. I've never complained of how much I work.. cause I'm really grateful with everything I have.. I'm just gonna focus on my business.. do everything I can to be a better person..

Dinner cancelled

Today I'm working as usually.. Me and my sis were about to go to dinner at 8 pm.. but we have to cancel it since we have to be at work.. kinda sucks cause I was really looking forward to eat sushi.. but it's ok.. I survive.. at 10.30 pm Lim is picking us up and we gonna go to Greensboro and watch Avatar again but with a lot of people.. I don't mind cause I love that movie.. all the details are so beautiful..

Thoughts

During those kind of circumstances I'm allowed to cry.. I'm afraid to get in touch with people whom I once was very close - people I know would always be there for me no matter what..

I was the one who packed my bag and ran away.. I have to many memories of the past that are tearing me inside out.. Just seeing the pictures of people that are very dear to me makes my heart weak.. I've been trying to overlook everything.. but once in a while it hits me in the head.. *sigh*

This is not the time to feel sorry for myself.. and I know no one would ever sympathize me after what I've done.. I'm not seeking for sympathy and I'm not asking for forgivingness.. I just want to let you all know that I think about u.. and I miss u all.... I still keep u all very close to my heart..

call me fake, bitch, loser, betrayer etc.. I won't change.. I will still be the same person.. I'm just not strong enough..

One wish

Can't believe it's already been a year since last Christmas.. Even though I finally get to share my Christmas with my sister I feel so lonely.. My wish is to one day celebrate Christmas with the whole family.. Mommy, Lily, Me and Havy... I want to feel the fully joy of Christmas..

I can't say I've been good this year.. that's why I haven't wished for anything.. Pleasing everybody is impossible.. My heart is dying for someone to just come and stab it.. just to release the pain that's been growing inside..

To be honest.. last year was the only good Christmas I had in 8 years.. My memories of the past Christmas days haven't been good.. and believe me.. it's not because I didn't get what I want.. hope this one will be better..

Flowers from who?

Today during work I received a Christmas bouquet from someone anonymous.. No idea who the person is.. but it was very beautiful..

Been working all day so I'm pretty tired..

after work we went to do the laundry.. came home after midnight.. TIRED!

Lim is coming home tomorrow.. yay!! it's always fun to have him around.. =)

I'm not done with my Christmas shopping yet.. kinda sucks.. oh well.. Good night..

Bored

Why does Santa have such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.. hohoho

My humor is not the best... so plz don't judge me for that..

Dilemma

Should I or should I not trim my bangs a little? Right now.. The length of my bangs is good to pull all my hair back.. But I feel that my face is really big right now so I don't wanna bring out my face.. damn those donuts really leave their marks.. on my body! Whatever.. Well.. yeah.. I forgot I have to look good in my New Year and Christmas dress.. damn...

Sunny but cold

Yesterday we went to see Avatar on 3D.. I can say that it was a long time I saw such a good movie. the details and everything were great. The next movie I wanna see is The blind side.. I've heard that it's a really good movie..

Today we had a lot of snow on our backyard.. Me and my sister were taking the dogs out and took some pictures ^^

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

ok... this is weird.. it's the second time I have a weird dream about me associating with lesbians.. I have nothing against being gay.. in fact I love gay people, a lot of my customers are gay and they are so adorable... But me being gay.. no.. I don't think it ever gonna happen.. I can't possibly fall in love with a girl..

Yesterday we closed down early because of the snow storm.. It was scary driving home.. The mall was literally dead.. I was walking around finding myself a Christmas and a New Year dress ^__^ Sexy. Now I just need to eat healthy for a couple of days so I can fit in my dresses hehe. Been eating donuts almost every day just because someone brings dozens of donuts to the shop.. i ate chips, nuts and candies for dinner yesterday.. not healthy..

Today is going to be noodles.. We have nothing to cook.. haven't been groceries shopping for a while.. it's kinda bad when you can only find shopping bags to put the trashes in instead of grocery bags..

Just one more week

Only 1 week left until Christmas.. yaay ^__^

Not done with my Christmas gifts yet.. Still have a lot more to buy.. And I'm kinda broke..

Yesterday I ate breakfast at 11 am.. after that.. bam bam bam customers rushed in.. I was done with my last customer at 10.20 pm.. Between 11 am and 10.20 pm I worked without taking any breaks. I was soooo hungryand so tired...

Today is supposed to snow a lot.. I actually wish for a white Christmas this year.. but I hate that it's so cold..

Tomorrow we open at 8 am and close at 10 pm.. the working days are getting longer and longer..

For now there are only 250$ in my piggy bank.. trying to save my best friend some money to pay half of her ticket.. She lives in Sweden, don't want her to pay everything herself.. I love her to death <3

A trashy morning

It's wednesday already.. This morning me and my sis had to take care of that damn pile of trash that someone left behind before we moved in.. It was heavy as h***.. and MUD in the container?!?! wth.. Bricks, tiles and stuff you can't even name were in our container.. We had to pluck up the trash hand by hand.. my hands were cold.. no gloves.. we had to scoop up the mud without a showel.. We didn't have time to finish since we had to get to work in time... today we opened at 9 am and close at 10 pm.. It's gonna be like that the rest of this year.. I think there are some days we open at 8 am..

Relieved

I can't describe how relieved I am right now... The stress is over.. I had so much pressure.. But I passed.. Thank you all for the support I got <3

Drinking Glögg in my living room.. tired.. so I'm going straight to bed right now..

I went shopping after work.. I bought a black Puma sweater, a skirt, a pink top, a beige and white striped sweater.. a plain tank top and a christmas gift for my sister..

Good Night..

Worried

I'm so nervous.. I feel like I can throw up..
Tuesday will determine everything.

Graduated 2009

Class NV3C

My natural science class

Autumn in my heart

Even though it's winter season.. Autumn has always been my season.. I love Autumn and all the memories it's been providing me..

Autumn

Looking through the window on a cloudy autumn day

Wishing you were here and forever you will stay

Birds are flying south to reach their goal, their destination

While I'm confused with my intensive frustration

Thinking of the past as I'm lying on my bed

Lying here alone with the chrystal tears I shed

I lost my belief to all the dreams I had

Everything I believed in, let me down and made me sad

Beautiful leaves become colored, as they're falling down

From green to yellow, orange, and brown.

The cold windy weather comes with sorrow and pain

Wiping off the happiness with the diamond shaped rain

I follow the movements from the trees to the ground

Then take my last breath and never again make a sound.

Uggs for Uglies

My sister bought me a pair of Uggs last week. They are so comfortable.. feels like I'm walking on clouds.. and they keep me so warm.. Thx sis!

Happy B-day J

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Jennica!!

Just got ready for work.. It's so coooold!!

Yesterday after work me and my sis were invited to Lim's (my sister's boyfriend) house. His parents just came back from VN. It was nice seeing his mom again. We've all missed her!! We ate and sang some Karaoke..

Tonight I have to see my uncle.. I wonder if he and his wife are still in the hospital.. They gonna have another baby =D

Bye for now <3

...

I am a human being, and I do have feelings.. just because I don't show my weaknesses doesn't mean that I don't care.. I must say I dislike people who think they know what I'm doing, what I'm thinking and what I feel.. Yes I am afraid.. I am scared.. There is this one thing I like to do when I don't know what to do anymore.. I like to run away.. I keep running and running until everything is out of my sight.. Happy? No.. Unhappy? No..

I am somewhat in a phase where I don't know if my actions are right or wrong anymore.. I know I made a decision which changed my life from what I imagined it a few years ago.

When I find a little bit of happiness it's suddenly wrong.. I can't show my laughter, my smile around people? Should I drag my surroundings down just because I am so damn miserable? No, of course not.. that's why I am trying every single day to not show what I feel.. The only way of doing it is to write down my thoughts.. If I'm writing to much of how I feel I'm suddenly called fake.. I can't tell you how I feel.. I don't know if it would make it to the better or to the worse... stop judging me..

Exhausted

It's almost midnight.. I've been working hard today.. Working is the only way to keep me from being sad.. I love what I'm doing and I love the support from my customers..

Never thought that the adult life would feel like this.. that working is actually fun.. But in the end of the day you feel so exhausted and lonely.. The same routine every single day.. waking up, making myself a cup of coffee.. brushing my teeth and get ready for work.. - Going home, clean a little, taking a shower, watching TV, maybe eat and sleep..

Working 7 days a week doesn't give me much of a free time... I want to draw again.. I want to take pictures.. I want to explore the world.. get to experience stuff I've never experienced before..

I'm trying to step forward and not look back.. I hate to feel.. I wish I had no feelings.. Cause without feelings you can't feel pain... But that wouldn't make me a human being.. Pain can also be considered as something beautiful.. For me pain makes me feel alive.. It proves that I actually exist..