Nightly thoughts

It's the end of one decade but also a beginning of another..

I don't know whether I'm happy or not.. let's say.. in my current state I'm lost.. I've reached a certain age ( about to be 20 ) which means that I have more responsibility, but also I'm old enough to decide over myself..

Through my life I've done a lot of things that we call "mistakes". But actually I've never regretted anything I've done in life.. cause the so called "mistakes" I've made are according to me, just opportunities to learn things.. I rather do "mistakes" than keep wondering how my life would be if I did this and that..

You can travel back in time.. but never change it's events.. I've been thinking a lot about my childhood lately.. Even though we didn't have much, I could feel true happiness.. I was believing in the tooth fairy. I dreamt about being a princess who was longing for her white knight to show up and take her far away.. I was sitting on mommy's lap and telling her stories of what I wanted to become when I grew up.. I was a day dreamer, innocent and care-free.. I was believing in happily ever after..

As I grew up I lost my innocence.. I realized that the world isn't made up of rainbows and sunshine.. My view of life became more gloomy and I learned how to hate and hurt people.. In fact I came to a phase in life where I didn't wanna exist no more but to scared to end it..

I'm still confused..

I know this is a pointless entry.. But writing down my thoughts somehow makes me feel better.