Happy New Year

This New Year is gonna be the loneliest New Year ever.. Usually I'm surrounded by my friends and we party together.. Just before midnight everybody go to downtown together, shoot some fireworks and drinking champagne.. This year.. I'm stuck in my room with the dogs.. probably gonna dig myself a grave and bury myself in it.. it's a pity... Let next year be at better year..

Worked my ass off today.. It was to busy.. Worked straight without pausing again.. Came to work at 9 am.. we supposed to close at 6 pm but didn't get done until 6.40 something.. After work we went to China King Buffet with our co-workers..

Now I'm so full I can't even stand.. ate to much.. My New Year resolution? it's a secret..

Tomorrow my uncle is having a baby shower for his new baby which is my new cousin ^^ haven't seen her yet... Have to work tomorrow.. What to wear?

Almost New Year

In the morning.. completely make-up free.. and just went to work..

Today i worked as usually.. talked with mom.. she loved the letter I wrote her for Christmas and the pictures we sent her.. She actually cried while reading the letter.. I did my best writing in vietnamese and used whatever I got in my vietnamese vocabulary, which is not that great..

I ate chicken and noodles today for breakfast/lunch.. for dinner I had some Sonic burger and french toast.. and some pretzel bites lol..

Yesterday my sister, me, Lim and his sister went to Ikea.. I finally found a wardrobe I was looking for.. I didn't know they had it! it has sliding doors that are by mirror.. We got a great deal on that.. I was buying some cheap curtains too.. So happy with my purchases.. Ikea is from Sweden.. I saw a lot of stuff that I saw back in sweden.. miss it.. They had swedish meatballs haha.. But I ate gravad lax ( smoked salmon ) and mashed potatoes..

After Ikea we went to concord.. The shopping mall in Charlotte.. I bought a sweater and a top.. both were on sale.. hihi.. 50% sale.. yay ^^

Have faith

It feels like I just woke up from a dream.. everything was to good to be true.. I finally woke up to face the reality.. life is not easy.. You just won't get everything served the way you want.. life is more complicated than that.. You have to really fight for yourself.. fight for your own future, your own happiness.. or you can either choose the easy way.. just give up and not be happy to the fullest..

My customer told me once.. never stop smiling, never change. Promise me to always be the same..

I will promise to never change.. I'm still the same person as I was since I was born.. I've just gained more experience with time.. Right now I just ended this chapter of my life.. It had a twist.. I guess this was for my best.. Tomorrow I'll begin my next chapter.. I will try to be better, work harder without any complaints.. I've never complained of how much I work.. cause I'm really grateful with everything I have.. I'm just gonna focus on my business.. do everything I can to be a better person..

Dinner cancelled

Today I'm working as usually.. Me and my sis were about to go to dinner at 8 pm.. but we have to cancel it since we have to be at work.. kinda sucks cause I was really looking forward to eat sushi.. but it's ok.. I survive.. at 10.30 pm Lim is picking us up and we gonna go to Greensboro and watch Avatar again but with a lot of people.. I don't mind cause I love that movie.. all the details are so beautiful..

Thoughts

During those kind of circumstances I'm allowed to cry.. I'm afraid to get in touch with people whom I once was very close - people I know would always be there for me no matter what..

I was the one who packed my bag and ran away.. I have to many memories of the past that are tearing me inside out.. Just seeing the pictures of people that are very dear to me makes my heart weak.. I've been trying to overlook everything.. but once in a while it hits me in the head.. *sigh*

This is not the time to feel sorry for myself.. and I know no one would ever sympathize me after what I've done.. I'm not seeking for sympathy and I'm not asking for forgivingness.. I just want to let you all know that I think about u.. and I miss u all.... I still keep u all very close to my heart..

call me fake, bitch, loser, betrayer etc.. I won't change.. I will still be the same person.. I'm just not strong enough..

One wish

Can't believe it's already been a year since last Christmas.. Even though I finally get to share my Christmas with my sister I feel so lonely.. My wish is to one day celebrate Christmas with the whole family.. Mommy, Lily, Me and Havy... I want to feel the fully joy of Christmas..

I can't say I've been good this year.. that's why I haven't wished for anything.. Pleasing everybody is impossible.. My heart is dying for someone to just come and stab it.. just to release the pain that's been growing inside..

To be honest.. last year was the only good Christmas I had in 8 years.. My memories of the past Christmas days haven't been good.. and believe me.. it's not because I didn't get what I want.. hope this one will be better..

Flowers from who?

Today during work I received a Christmas bouquet from someone anonymous.. No idea who the person is.. but it was very beautiful..

Been working all day so I'm pretty tired..

after work we went to do the laundry.. came home after midnight.. TIRED!

Lim is coming home tomorrow.. yay!! it's always fun to have him around.. =)

I'm not done with my Christmas shopping yet.. kinda sucks.. oh well.. Good night..

Bored

Why does Santa have such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.. hohoho

My humor is not the best... so plz don't judge me for that..

Dilemma

Should I or should I not trim my bangs a little? Right now.. The length of my bangs is good to pull all my hair back.. But I feel that my face is really big right now so I don't wanna bring out my face.. damn those donuts really leave their marks.. on my body! Whatever.. Well.. yeah.. I forgot I have to look good in my New Year and Christmas dress.. damn...

Sunny but cold

Yesterday we went to see Avatar on 3D.. I can say that it was a long time I saw such a good movie. the details and everything were great. The next movie I wanna see is The blind side.. I've heard that it's a really good movie..

Today we had a lot of snow on our backyard.. Me and my sister were taking the dogs out and took some pictures ^^

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

ok... this is weird.. it's the second time I have a weird dream about me associating with lesbians.. I have nothing against being gay.. in fact I love gay people, a lot of my customers are gay and they are so adorable... But me being gay.. no.. I don't think it ever gonna happen.. I can't possibly fall in love with a girl..

Yesterday we closed down early because of the snow storm.. It was scary driving home.. The mall was literally dead.. I was walking around finding myself a Christmas and a New Year dress ^__^ Sexy. Now I just need to eat healthy for a couple of days so I can fit in my dresses hehe. Been eating donuts almost every day just because someone brings dozens of donuts to the shop.. i ate chips, nuts and candies for dinner yesterday.. not healthy..

Today is going to be noodles.. We have nothing to cook.. haven't been groceries shopping for a while.. it's kinda bad when you can only find shopping bags to put the trashes in instead of grocery bags..

Just one more week

Only 1 week left until Christmas.. yaay ^__^

Not done with my Christmas gifts yet.. Still have a lot more to buy.. And I'm kinda broke..

Yesterday I ate breakfast at 11 am.. after that.. bam bam bam customers rushed in.. I was done with my last customer at 10.20 pm.. Between 11 am and 10.20 pm I worked without taking any breaks. I was soooo hungryand so tired...

Today is supposed to snow a lot.. I actually wish for a white Christmas this year.. but I hate that it's so cold..

Tomorrow we open at 8 am and close at 10 pm.. the working days are getting longer and longer..

For now there are only 250$ in my piggy bank.. trying to save my best friend some money to pay half of her ticket.. She lives in Sweden, don't want her to pay everything herself.. I love her to death <3

A trashy morning

It's wednesday already.. This morning me and my sis had to take care of that damn pile of trash that someone left behind before we moved in.. It was heavy as h***.. and MUD in the container?!?! wth.. Bricks, tiles and stuff you can't even name were in our container.. We had to pluck up the trash hand by hand.. my hands were cold.. no gloves.. we had to scoop up the mud without a showel.. We didn't have time to finish since we had to get to work in time... today we opened at 9 am and close at 10 pm.. It's gonna be like that the rest of this year.. I think there are some days we open at 8 am..

Relieved

I can't describe how relieved I am right now... The stress is over.. I had so much pressure.. But I passed.. Thank you all for the support I got <3

Drinking Glögg in my living room.. tired.. so I'm going straight to bed right now..

I went shopping after work.. I bought a black Puma sweater, a skirt, a pink top, a beige and white striped sweater.. a plain tank top and a christmas gift for my sister..

Good Night..

Worried

I'm so nervous.. I feel like I can throw up..
Tuesday will determine everything.

Graduated 2009

Class NV3C

My natural science class

Autumn in my heart

Even though it's winter season.. Autumn has always been my season.. I love Autumn and all the memories it's been providing me..

Autumn

Looking through the window on a cloudy autumn day

Wishing you were here and forever you will stay

Birds are flying south to reach their goal, their destination

While I'm confused with my intensive frustration

Thinking of the past as I'm lying on my bed

Lying here alone with the chrystal tears I shed

I lost my belief to all the dreams I had

Everything I believed in, let me down and made me sad

Beautiful leaves become colored, as they're falling down

From green to yellow, orange, and brown.

The cold windy weather comes with sorrow and pain

Wiping off the happiness with the diamond shaped rain

I follow the movements from the trees to the ground

Then take my last breath and never again make a sound.

Uggs for Uglies

My sister bought me a pair of Uggs last week. They are so comfortable.. feels like I'm walking on clouds.. and they keep me so warm.. Thx sis!

Happy B-day J

Happy Birthday to my dear friend Jennica!!

Just got ready for work.. It's so coooold!!

Yesterday after work me and my sis were invited to Lim's (my sister's boyfriend) house. His parents just came back from VN. It was nice seeing his mom again. We've all missed her!! We ate and sang some Karaoke..

Tonight I have to see my uncle.. I wonder if he and his wife are still in the hospital.. They gonna have another baby =D

Bye for now <3

...

I am a human being, and I do have feelings.. just because I don't show my weaknesses doesn't mean that I don't care.. I must say I dislike people who think they know what I'm doing, what I'm thinking and what I feel.. Yes I am afraid.. I am scared.. There is this one thing I like to do when I don't know what to do anymore.. I like to run away.. I keep running and running until everything is out of my sight.. Happy? No.. Unhappy? No..

I am somewhat in a phase where I don't know if my actions are right or wrong anymore.. I know I made a decision which changed my life from what I imagined it a few years ago.

When I find a little bit of happiness it's suddenly wrong.. I can't show my laughter, my smile around people? Should I drag my surroundings down just because I am so damn miserable? No, of course not.. that's why I am trying every single day to not show what I feel.. The only way of doing it is to write down my thoughts.. If I'm writing to much of how I feel I'm suddenly called fake.. I can't tell you how I feel.. I don't know if it would make it to the better or to the worse... stop judging me..

Exhausted

It's almost midnight.. I've been working hard today.. Working is the only way to keep me from being sad.. I love what I'm doing and I love the support from my customers..

Never thought that the adult life would feel like this.. that working is actually fun.. But in the end of the day you feel so exhausted and lonely.. The same routine every single day.. waking up, making myself a cup of coffee.. brushing my teeth and get ready for work.. - Going home, clean a little, taking a shower, watching TV, maybe eat and sleep..

Working 7 days a week doesn't give me much of a free time... I want to draw again.. I want to take pictures.. I want to explore the world.. get to experience stuff I've never experienced before..

I'm trying to step forward and not look back.. I hate to feel.. I wish I had no feelings.. Cause without feelings you can't feel pain... But that wouldn't make me a human being.. Pain can also be considered as something beautiful.. For me pain makes me feel alive.. It proves that I actually exist..

Haven't been blogging lately.. Thursday was Thanksgiving. I had a great time, we ate, ate and ate!! Me and my sister didn't cook anything lol.. We invited a few people to our house.. played some Wii.. then at 9.15 pm we went and saw Ninja Assassin :D

After the movie we went back to our place, ate more and played some more Wii.. I guess Thanksgiving for American people is a day you eat all day long..

Today my sister bought me a pair of Uggs from Journeys.. They are so comfy ^__^ I also bought 2 pair of Jeans, 1 long sleeve top and 1 skirt.. Everything from forever 21.. They gave me a water bottle for free.

waiting

sitting here in my house.. waiting for the internet-cable guys to come and fix the internet and the tv for us.. and they're not here!! they supposed to come at 9.30.. and I can't go nowhere.. hungry, but the reachable things I can find are snacks?! chips, cookies, candies.. funny.. I have no internet and nothing to watch on the TV.. I better unpack some stuff from the 126384950 boxes.. my sister is going to pick me up to work later..

Back to work

I'm back to work.. It's been a while since I worked.. Almost a week now.. I feel so bad not working.. Still not completely recovered.. But able to work..

My voice is still retarded, I look like a mess.. Have some red spots in my eyes.. so as a result I look like a monster.. But I don't have the energy to care...

We moved everything yesterday and the weather was bad... rainy.. After moving all our stuff me and my sister had to feed the guys as our appreciation for the help.. we went and ate at a chinese buffet.. Thx to Ren, Tony, Lin, Tuan and Kimmie for yesterday.. Don't know what to do without you guys =) Btw.. The moving went really fast.

The new house is not ready yet, we still have to repaint the wall cause some dude messed it up.. I want to kick his no-no place... Even my younger sister would have done a better job..

But our house feels cozy and warm.. I really like it, it feels like my home now.. Just hate the paint on my bedroom wall.. Yellow? seriously!? oh well.. Have to bare with it a little longer.. Then I will paint it white with a baby pink front wall..

And u know who greeted us when we got home? Mr.Big Spider at the door way.. It was HUGE! Nice greeting hehe.. not so funny.. But I had a great sleep last night.. didn't want to get up at all..

Please go away

When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself anymore.. I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing.. But I know for sure that I don't like this person I see .. I detest her.. a picture reflecting someone, something I can't live with.. I wish her to vanish... Please be deleted from my vision...

2 days ago I had my worst emotional breakdown ever.. Nowhere to go.. No one to turn to.. it was me against them all..

A deep scar doesn't heal on it's own.. the scar will get deeper with time..

Are u crying? Darling, tears will get u nowhere.. no one can hear you? no one's gonna be there listening to your crying serenade? Your voice becomes ignored.. The silence will eat u up... bit by bit.. in the end you'll get conquered by the darkness..

Tomorrow will be a better day

Pain? I'm laughing at it.. fears? I'm facing it.. I only exist in this cruel world just to create misery.. Deep in my heart I'm holding a grudge... A grudge I can't let go..

When laughter can't be faked anymore, the only things that are left out are tears.. I close my eyes and pretend it never happened.. I open my eyes slowly, *sigh* it's still there..

How many times haven't you fought for your own happiness?
Somewhere on the endless road I kinda gave up.. I'm about to break down into small fragile pieces.. I tenderly bit my lower lips and slowly close my eyes thinking, "tomorrow will be a better day".

I don't have the strength, the missing pieces that would put me together.. I still wonder who I am and why I exist in this competitive world of comparison.. The best adapted survives and those who are weak fades away..

LIFE

Life is sorrow, life is pain..
Life can make you truly insane..
You'll get wounded, you'll get hurt.
It's nothing you can rub out, like some dirt..
You fight for yourself, you fight for your dreams..
But fighting to survive is what it all seems..
When is enough, when will it end?
When will those tender wounds mend?
Life is winning, life is loosing
But sometimes it's all confusing
Life has a reason, life has a goal
It gave you a brain, a heart and a soul.
Believe in yourself, trust your heart
Even though, you're falling apart...

Almost recovered

I'm awake.. been sleeping a lot... really.. never slept so much in my life..

I guess I have to work today even though I'm not completely healthy.. I can walk, work and talk.. that's probably all I need.. But I think I shouldn't over work myself.. sometimes it's hard.. and very stressful.. But I'm amazed how fast I recovered from being sick.. Yesterday I was "can't walk, can't eat, can't do nothing"... Now I'm just a little weak but I can do stuff.. No sympathy..

All I needed was a lot of sleep.. and some nasty Theraflu, which gave me and my sister vomiting reflex.. we ended up coughing and laughing at the same time.. The faces we made weren't sweet I could tell... It tasted like vomit blended with whatever flavor that came with it and last but not least, bitter medicine.. you know when you take medicine it's just a teaspoon or something.. this Thereflu thing is a whole cup!!! I had to swallow a whole cup of nasty vomit-blended-stuff...

Right now I'm drinking camomile tea and eating cereal.. yes cereal!! since when did I ate cereal with milk?? since now I guess... I can't remember when was the last time I ate cereal.. I think I was 6 or 7 years old, which were 12 years ago...

Movies I wanna see

A Christmas Carol 3D
New Moon
Ninja Assassin (Bi Rain is in it!!)
The fourth kind
Avatar

My view of Love

I haven't lost faith in love.. I've hurt, I've been hurt, I've loved, I've been loved..

One day my savior will show up..

According to me, Love is something beautiful.. something irreplaceable.. Each love has it's own thorns, it's own unique pattern.. once you've experienced it you can never let go of the feeling no matter how much it hurts to get there.. Love makes you feel the butterflies flying around through your entire body, the desire of being close to the person you love is undeniable. You can't stop thinking of the person that made such an impact to your heart..

You can't grow in love until you give it away. The more you give it away, the more it returns to you.

Love is understanding each other, learning each others strengths and weaknesses.. Love desires nothing more than what is best for the other person and will provide it in any possible way. .. Love.. is something you can't live without... finding someone you can never imagine to let go..

There are to many words to describe love.. But all the descriptions in the world are not enough to explain it.. But just by placing your hand on the heart feeling every heartbeat makes you understand when you're in love.. The sound of the heart is not very flattering, but of all the sound in the world, the sound of the heart has the most beautiful meaning in it..

I got sick

I finally got sick.. this is really bad.. yesterday I didn't feel good at all in the afternoon.. I planned to stop working at 8 pm.. Cause I started to feel nauseous.. but then I got a request from one of my regular customer.. so I had to do her nails.. After doing my last customer, my nose began to flow and there came tears from my eyes..I started to sweat and got so dizzy.. Thank God I was wearing a mask.. cause I felt like a complete loser... hehe

After the ride home I walked like a zombie.. went to the bathroom.. threw up whatever I ate.. brushed my teeth then went straight to bed.. I slept for 12 hours.. woke up today at 9 something, still had a big headache and felt no good at all.. My night was bad.. hot cold, hot cold.. my sister bought me some medicine.. drank it, then went to sleep again..

It's funny how my appetite has changed completely.. usually I can eat anything at anytime.. but now when I think about food I just wanna throw up.. all I've been eating is plain rice soup.. just because it doesn't have any flavor.. I rather not eat anything, but my sister told me I had to eat cause I can't drink medicine and eat nothing.. it's good to have a caring sister.. or else it would have been worse..

It's Friday the 13th today... just wanna remind u lol...

At work

I feel like I've increased my skills a lot.. Which makes me really happy and relieved.. Got new customers today..

Everything tastes so bad.. I'm definitely not a picky person.. but after having Theraflu, everything makes me wanna throw up.. Even the sweetest sugar turned bitter.. and my throat is itching even more now..

I only get sick once a year.. Haven't got sick this year yet... so maybe it's about time.. lol..


I want to eat something.. or at least chew on something.. but don't feel to eat anything at all.. cause I keep imagining the Theraflu.. maybe it's my throat that creates the taste..

this reminds me of when I coughed constantly 1 week straight 2 years ago.. My sister got so annoyed by me lol.. couldn't speak at all.. coughed everytime I opened my mouth,, I got so exhausted by that time.. hope it never gonna happen again..

I really want to get into my own bed and rest.. hate this weather.. makes me so sad..

Thursday

New day.. new challenges..

Today I woke up with my throat itching and I cough a little.. not good.. My sister is really sick and we slept in the same bed.. which means that the chances of me being sick is highly increasing..

I didn't want to sleep on the coach alone.. I'm still scared..

I got to drink Theraflu which was really nasty.. I can still feel the taste of the bitterness going through my dear throat.. it smelled good though.. thought it was gonna taste like the smell.. but to bad appearances are deceptive..

When the world was in our hands

There are moments in life when I feel that I have everything in my hand.. so happy, so careless.. I'm longing to turn back the time.. To fool around with my friends..to trip and fall, to make wounds and scratches that would heal, to make my clothes dirty by rolling over the hills..

I'm also longing to move forward the time.. when I know everything's gonna be better.. Cause right now.. living in the between is somehow melancholy..

Pictures from 2005

Love this girl from the bottom of my heart♥

The silence plays tricks

Sitting here alone in the living room with a hot coffee.. it's cold and pitch black outside.. The wind is blowing hard.. still..it's so quiet.. I should be scared.. especially after the movie paranormal activity I saw last week... But strangely I'm not.. Maybe I'm not scared anymore, maybe I've accepted that we're living in the world with "others".. Usually my mind is playing games with me..

..............Something just fell at the hallway.. damn.. Now I'm scared.... it must have been my purse... I hate it when it's quiet like this.. cause I'm aware of every single sound... But at the same time.. I love the feeling.. The feeling of being alone for a while.. When I can concentrate and just think...

I hear some birds chirping.. it's getting lighter outside..

Maybe I still fear that something, someone's out there watching me.. I'm not afraid of paranormal things cause I know we're living in a world full of it.. I'm just afraid of seeing what I don't wanna see..

New TV

Today I've been doing a lot of errands with my uncle and sis.. and yeah, just bought a new TV.. Now we can play games with better quality.. Rock Band!

My sister is sick.. 102 degree.. it's really bad.. tried to cook some rice soup.. actually my first time doing it.. Hope she'll get better soon..

Can't wait until we move into the new house.. moving in the 15th..

Going to sleep.. Good night and sweet dreams..

The time will tell

It has been a long time since I've been blogging again.. I needed a place to write down my thoughts..

I need to get over the past no matter how great/sad it's been.. The memories in Sweden will always be kept in my heart.. Right now I feel so... empty..

I've never given a thought of how to picture my life in the future.. But I guess the time will tell..

The time has a beginning but also an end

It also has a substance while we try to surrend

It flies by us, when we're having fun

The past is the time for what we've done

Future is the time for our goals to accomplish

We all have a dream, a hope, a wish

It makes you get smarter, wiser and older

Without someones love you get colder and colder

We're waiting endlessly for our true love to appear

But waiting to long is what we all fear.

To suffer and ache with the days that pass by

You can't do anything but lying down and cry

We say that the time heals all the wounds and pain

But within that time you can get truly insane...

We fight for our dreams and our love sublime..

How it will occur, you will know with time..